anywhere but here

Kiss and coddle me while I stay
lost in this cause and effect.
Trapped with the wounded.
Bandaged but counterfeit.
My brazen heart thumping,
echoing in my ears
telling me to stop.go.stay.still.
As I fight the fear that I’ll atrophy,
watch while my muscles deteriorate
making me weak and wasted.
And you offer yourself as a crutch,
knowing my legs work just fine
but wanting me corruptible, easy,
willing to limp to you.

untitled

You ease into me-
out of what you are
or could be.
Something more than yourself
but less of something else.
A discourse of self-doubt
effortlessly recited then rescinded.
Whisper what you need and
want will follow,
while you strum these strings,
pluck the chords-
the music a symptom of my resolve.
An unaffected melody,
artless and ordinary,
you ease out of me-
into who you are or want to be.
Dizzy with inspiration,
my song fixed in your mind,
on your fingers.
Humming while I mouth the words,
mimicking my kisses.
Conduct this second-rate symphony
with laughable indifference
and look past me or through me,
but not at me.
Suffer this moment and await your arrival.

not me

Not me but you—
the wrong and right of it.
Logic and reason lost on me.
Compassion lost on you—
pointing fingers and placing blame.
I can’t manage how I feel.
You can’t manage to feel at all.
This heavy-laden, break-back weight
you handed me destroyed my spirit and
shattered my heart.
That lie I let in took root,
spiraling around my brain,
whispering to me with your voice.
And I believe it.
Disfigured and disappointing,
empty-handed and hard to love.

too-tight

I taste blood from biting my lip and holding my tongue.
And letting you get the best of me.
If love is pain, then hate is envy.
Ugly and unwanted.
When you met me I was hiding.
Safe in a loose-fitting security.
Smooth hair. Painted face.
You knew I wouldn’t survive exposure.
But you moved in on me.
Tugging. Pulling. Tearing.
Piece by piece.
Stripped bare you left me broken and hating this too-tight skin.

fools gold

I was treasure when you first found me.
Shiny gold buried in self-loathing.
Polished until your face reflected in mine.
You assigned value to my soul and
made me forget.
And then you forgot you made me.
Passed through too many hands,
refiner’s fire gone cold,
tarnished and flawed—
You couldn’t see beneath the surface.