down the rabbit's hole

i'm alice. i've tripped down the rabbit's hole and ended up in wonderland. i can't figure out how i got here. i've done nothing wrong except stumble over my own two feet. but i probably could have avoided this whole miserable adventure if i had steadily been putting one foot in front of the other instead of chasing something i had no business wanting in the first place.

all i know is, like alice, i hardly know who i am anymore. and everytime i start to settle into a place where i might know, i'm magically transformed again. taller, shorter, stronger, weaker, harder, softer. one moment i have compassion, the next it's gone. one moment i want to run away and the next i can't move my feet.

alice got out of wonderland by waking from a dream. i can't tell if waking from what was all a crazy dream would be a relief, or a tragedy. i'll guess we'll wait and see....

"Who are you?" said the Caterpillar.

"I--I hardly know, Sir, just at present--at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then."

"What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar, sternly. "Explain yourself!"

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir," said Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see."